What can we say about this pirate?
Nicest Pirate in the game, but watch out his guns pack a mighty blow.
Jaspers Joker Corner!
- "I was out shopping the other day in the supermarket when i saw a man stealing stuff from the top shelf while standing on the shoulders of two vampires! Needless to say i was appalled and was about to say something when security came and took the trio away. It all worked out ok in the end though, last i heard the guy was being charged with shoplifting on two Counts...
Two atoms are sitting in a bar, one suddenly leaps off his seat and cries out in shock. The other feelin a sudden rush of concern for his friend asks what the matter it. The first replies "I think i just lost an electron!". His friend looks worried and asks, "Are you sure?" to which the first replies, "Yes! Im positive!".
- Two monkeys are having a bath. One says to the other, "Ooh Eeh Aah Aah Aah!". The other monkey sighs and replies, "Turn the hot water off then!".
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,"My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, checks his teeth, etc.
Finally he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Just because he's cross-eyed
"No, because he's really, really heavy."
- A dog goes into an employment agency and asks what jobs are on offer.
The woman at the desk says, "A talking dog! There should be a job for you at the circus." The dog replies, "Why would they need a plumber?
A man escaped from prison by digging a tunnel under his cell. When he emerged he found himself in the middle of a school's playground. "I'm free," called the man.
"So what," said one little girl, "I'm four."
- An old sailer was making his way from America to France when he was caught in a storm and shipwrecked. He washed up on a small island in the middle of nowhere. Looking around he saw that the sand was a purple shade of red, the sea was a purple shade of red, heck EVERYTHING was a purple shade of red, even the sky! Looking down at his hands he was shocked to see that even his own skin was turning a purple shade of red! Looking to the heavens the man cried out in anguish, "Oh no! Ive been Marooned!".
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
- A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his Mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."
"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."
- There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
In a particular small country, there was a king. He was much beloved of the people, and so they built for him a castle. But they were poor people and could only afford to build it out of grass. So they worked for weeks, and finally completed a lovely woven grass castle for him. And the king was pleased.
Another country, significantly richer than the first, presented a peace offering of an ornate throne. The king accepted this gift graciously and was most pleased. The only trouble was, the throne was very uncomfortable. So the king got himself a more comfortable chair and kept the massive throne in the attic. Naturally, it fell through the floor and killed him.
The moral of this story: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
- There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door.
- As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a small tree off in the distance.
- As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. And the smell... oh, the glorious smell!
- "Look Pepe," says the first man. "It's a bacon tree!"
- "You're right!" says Pepe, "We're saved!"
- Pepe doesn't wait another second. He runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But just as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
- His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe.
- "Pepe!! Pepe!! What on earth happened?"
- And with his last dying breath Pepe calls back: "Ugh, run, run!! It's not a Bacon Tree after all... its a ham bush!"
|This article or section is incomplete and needs to be amended. If you can provide additional information, please edit this page.|